We have to love him through it.

Not sure how to handle my roughians.  These boys play together sooo nicely 50% of the time but the other half they are fighting and doing REAL damage to each other.  (Although, I have to say Eli is my real bruiser).  Eli is soo extremely sensitive that he takes everything as an affront.  I know Hudson antagonizes him a lot.  But there are times that I see Hudson trying so hard to reason with Eli.  My girlfriend, who has two sweet little girls, just came to stay with me and she was like, "I really don't know how you do it".  My boys are intense sometimes.  Granted, Eli was soo jealous of the Lily, who was super "in- love" with his mommy that he was 10x's more aggressive than normal.  And he kept saying things like, "That is my mommy."  I tried to be sensitive to his little feelings but when he starts attacking a sweet little girl its so hard.  I guess the grass is always greener but when I see families with their kids spaced out  3 years apart and female. I get a little jealous of the calm aspect.  I keep asking myself what the deeper significance of this is.  Eli triggers people, he triggers me.  Keith always says that's the way he was as a kid and that we have to love him through it.  I tell myself that on the hard days, the days when I know I want to blow my top with frustration.

Keith is an amazing father to Eli.  I know that they were put together for a very special purpose.  Keith's father lost his cool with Keith and wasn't supportive.  Keith looks for ways every day for eli to express himself and find out what is going on his head.  He supports Eli like no other father could .  On one hand I think it gives Keith some perspective on why his father might not have had the skills to deal with him and also gives him a chance to parent the way he wished he had been parented.  He is an amazing father.

My path with Eli is that he shows me frustration and how quickly it can either  bediffused or exaggerated.  I am learning how to diffuse situations.  (Not one of my innate skills)  I am usually doing well, as long as, things don't get too stressful.  Well, my life has been stressful for the past few years and continues to be.  So either you go crazy or you surrender. I am choosing to surrender a lot more often than I would have before.

I want to help my boys get along more often than not. I know it is hard to share everything with someone.  But that is life.  If they can learn these lessons now, things might be easier for them in the long run.

Dear Hudson and Eli,
I know we had a stressful day today.  I had the flu and Daddy had emergencies at work, not a good combination.  I am sorry for not being the bigger person today and supporting you through your frustrations with each other.  I love you both to the end of this earth and to the moon and back.  I can't say that I won't ever get frustrated again but I can say that even when I get frustrated, it doesn't change my love for you.  I want the world for you boys.  I want you to be bestfriends when your older.  It really bothers me when you fight because I am afraid you will carry bad feelings towards each other into adulthood.  If you choose to fight today, I pray with all of my heart that you will forgive each other tomorrow, that's all I ask. Family can be a tremendous resource in your life if you will allow it. I don't want pettiness to stand in the way of that.  I love you both so much.  You are brothers, please love each other.

Just to reiterate that my Eli is incredibly sweet. Here he is hugging on the very little girl of whom he was so jealous. When she left he said, " I am weally gonna miss her." 

Love,
Mom.

Sick Day Turned Into Art Day

My bff came to stay with us for her daughters spring break.  It's been really fun eventhough her oldest, Iris got the flu the first day she got here.  We were planning to do the zoo, or museum center and we just couldn't take our poor girl out on the town.  I got out all the art supplies and we made puppets, decoupaged a lamp shade and painted many pictures.  Later, the kids made their lunch a picnic on a blanket and played duck-duck-goose.  Here's a few pictures of our day. 

Hannah and Iris and their puppets

Eli in his painting zone.

The torn stained lampshade that is now my favorite!

All hands were on deck for this project.  So cute.

Daddy and Eli taking a wrestling break.

Picnic in the kitchen

Eli, Lily, Hudson, Hannah, and Iris

A prolific day....

My favorite lampshade of all time. 

Duck..... Duck.......GOOSE!

The Adoption Option: Planting the Seed

Well, Keith and I are very happy with our life and our family.  So why is there a constant nagging about more children in the back of our crazy (let me iterate crazy) brains.  I am really happy and contented and we don't need anymore stress in our lives.  However, there is this little spiritual thing called a purpose... I personlly want to run screaming and ignore this "inner knowing" but I've wanted to adopt a child since I was little girl.
Everytime, I listen to the tragic stories of children in horrific situations I keep telling myself, we could handle a child.  I feel it is my personal/civic duty because I think I could do it and do it well. (Hopefully, those aren't famous last words!)  Seriously,  there are soo many children with bad parents out there and I mean sick people.  I can't help but know that my home would be a loving safe house for someone to grow up in and to have a family that they can rest peacefully in.

I also, know the flip side of this. That it means one more mouth to feed, one more person who needs  help with their health, their mental and emotional life and not to mention college.  I look at our financial situation and know that it would be hard for us.  I had really laid the whole idea to rest.  I was thinking how I just want to be financially stable and ignore this idea that I can help a child.  Oh, but then I just talked to my friend this weekend, whose mother passed away when she was 2.  Her step mother was abusive to her and her siblings.  She told me she never knew why her mother hadn't made arrangements for them and thought her mother hadn't loved her.  She just recently got in touch with her mothers' step sister and found out that she was "very" loved by her mother.  She said she felt happy for the first time in her entire life at the age of 56. 
A mother's love is sooo healing at any age. So many children  lose there mother and no one steps in and tries to fill the void.  I know that I could do that if I would just take the leap and do it.  I guess George Michael sums it best with, "I got to have faith."  I say, "YIKES."

I can't get the idea out of my head.  I wish that I could. I really do.  I long for a simpler life. 
Hudson is really into the idea. He keeps telling me he wants a sister while he's still little so he can play with her.  I

Valentine's Day

      I have never been more impressed with the thoughtful and creative Valentine's Day cards then the ones Hudson got from his preschool buddies at the Waldorf School.  We got felted hearts, A giant watercolor heart-shaped envelope for his hearts, oragami cranes, potato-stamped hearts, glittery hearts,
recycled seed catalog hearts, golden doilie hearts, rubber hearts, and a heart-shaped puzzle.  So cute.  My hats off to the mom's who facilitated those hearts.  I hung them all up and took a picture of them.  I love them so...

We went down to a place called Happen Inc.  a free art center for kids in my neighborhood and made a king of hearts crown.  Very fun and best of  all my house didn't have glitter and glue all over it.  Thanks Happen Inc.  you make it fun to do art with my kids...

Hudson: The Mediator?

One of the primary reasons we decided to send Hudson to school (being of the homeschool persuasion)  was because we wanted him to have a special place of his own.  Having a little brother to share everything with was getting overly frustrating for him.  We decided he needed somewhere that was only his and not Eli's.    His own friends, teachers, and situations.  He really loves it and the way school has worked out at the Cincinnati Waldorf School (CWS) has been truly phenomenal.  I've realized how many skills he now has with communicating with the family, especially Eli.  He regularly "wins cooperation" with Elijah.  I am totally impressed with his mediating skills.  He has taught me sooo much about how to get Eli to play along rather than dig in his heels. 
One of the best skills  he has acquired is 'before' he takes something out of Eli's hands, he brings something cool for Eli to trade him.  "Hey Eli, do you wanna play with this?!"  If Eli accepts there has been a crisis averted via the element of distraction.  However, if Eli does not accept Hudson has yet another means of winning cooperation, via overt subliminal persuasion.  Eli, say that you want this new toy, Eli say that?  Eli will sometimes fall into a a meditative state and say, "Otay, I want your new toy" and start playing with it.
Brilliant, a crisis averted.  Now when straight manipulation doesn't work for Hudson, he starts negotiations.  Okay, Eli, let's see how you stand up to emoting...  "Eli, my feelings are really hurt when you have that toy. I will be really, really, sad if you don't give that back!"  If Eli's response is "Otay, I'm sorry"  Brialliant, that's another situation where I don't end up in the crossfire. If Eli's response is "Nah Nah Nah boo boo stick your head in a big poopy diaper!"  then it usually results in I have to pull the two cavemen apart and pray for peace and tranquility to befall my feeble existence.   

Hey, it could always be worse, a few short months ago Hudson had zero mediation skills.  So thank you Ms. Carmy (CWS preschool teacher), you have done my family well by your teaching methods.


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