Well, I made the BIG mommy mistake and flippantly mentioned that I was going to give my diamond rings to my boys WHEN I DIE!!! What was I thinking. I the most tender-hearted of all people who used to regularly cry myself to sleep in the 4th grade at the thought of my parents dying, who still now cannot handle the thought of anyone dying. Who is the loudest person at funeral, cried so hard during the movie, One Day, that she couldn't go out to dinner afterwards. Why I would say that to my 3 and 4 year old is beyond me. I just was not thinking.
Anyway, Hudson was in the bathtub and said, "Mommy, will you always wear your rings." And I brazenly, calloused answered, "Yep, I'll wear'em till the day I die (proud of myself thinking of what a good wife I am, so committed that I will DIE in my wedding rings) and then I'll give'em to you."
Duh!!!! What did I just say? I looked at my sweet, sweet angel child and his eyes were looking at me as if the weight of the world had just landed inside him. A layer of his innocence diminshed before my eyes. I myself, had a layer of my own innocence leave me. I, who sits and thinks of myself as not so important is everything to this little guy. I am the edges of his little world and I had better treat myself with some reverence. I tried to back track, Boy, did I try to back track. He was depending on me. So I said with a huge grin, "I'm just kidding." And he looked at me like he didn't believe me and half-heartedly met my grin. Then his face dropped and said, "Mommy, why do people die when they get old." (Mind you he has already been to his great-grandfather's visitation) I said, "Because their souls get bored of their body and they want to go and do something else. They want to fly; they want to be free." A glimmer of hope returned to his eyes. And I asked him what his soul wanted to do and he said, " Have kids." His smile was half cocked and he looked at me sideways and I wanted to eat him up and I thought, ' you know, that's what my soul wanted too...' He quickly added, " and eat candy and go to Grandee's house."
Eli's soul, on the other hand, wants to be a big giant that stomps on people!
(Hopefully that was just his ego talking and not his soul;)
Aye yi yi!!! How am I going to raise these boys?
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